Of course, parents may request that children share their records with them. Parents are free to do that. So the question becomes whether it is right to force a child to divulge such information assuming that they are reluctant to do so. Is it morally right for a parent of an adult child to demand that the child reveal information that they might otherwise want to keep private?
当然,家长们可能会要求孩子与他们分享学习成绩。家长们可以随意这么做。这样问题就变成,假如孩子们不愿意这样做,那么强迫孩子透露这种信息是否正确。作为成年孩子的家长,要求孩子透露那些他们想要保密的信息,这种做法在道德上是正确的吗?
Parent-child relations are one thing when the child is a minor: the parent has a duty to provide security, health and education. The child assumes no corresponding duty to the parent. But when the child becomes an adult, the moral weight shifts. Adults are entitled to be treated as adults even when they are someone’s child.
当孩子未成年时,父母-孩子关系是:父母有责任提供安全的环境、健康以及教育。孩子不用对父母承担相应的义务。但是当孩子变成一个成年人时,道德比重就会转移。
In the case presented by Lucy’s friend, there is an adult child who is still dependent upon his or her parents. This isn’t any longer an adult-minor relationship but an adult-adult one that continues deep historical bonds. While history can’t be ignored, an adult child relationship to her parents in an instance in which parents continue financial support should more resemble any other adult-adult connection.
在露西这个案例中,这个成年的孩子仍然依赖他的父母。这不再是成年人-青少年的关系类型,而是成年人-成年人的关系类型,这种关系延续着深厚的历史性束缚。尽管历史不能被忽略,但是在成年孩子和他或她的父母关系的案例中,虽然父母继续在财力上支持孩子,但是亲子关系应该更多得向其他的成人-成人关系类型转变。
Paying for a child’s college education can be thought of as an obligation or as a loan. If it is construed as a parental duty, then it needs to be made without strings. If it is a loan, then the restrictions need to be spelled out in advance. This is how adults function. And a grown child is an adult, even if a parent might see it otherwise and even if the child is acting like a jerk.
为孩子上大学负担教育费用被认为是一种义务或是债务。如果它是父母责任的构成部分,那么它就不需要任何附带条件。如果它是债务,那么就需要提前讲清楚限制条件。这是成人的处事方式。并且长大的孩子已经是一个成年人,即使父母不这样认为,甚至孩子表现得很糟糕(也应该把他当成年人对待)。