Young children are naturally (and adorably) self-focused and have unrealistically positive views of their abilities.
青少年会很自然的(和很崇拜)以自我为中心,而且会不切实际地高估自己的能力。
What does narcissism in children look like? 孩子们的自恋看起来是什么样的呢?
桑德•汤姆斯和他的同事建立了儿童自恋尺标,包括:
“I think it’s important to stand out.”
我觉得引人注目是十分重要的
“I am a very special person.”
我是一个非常特别的人
“It often happens that other kids get the compliments that I actually deserve.”
常常会遇到其他孩子得到我应该得的夸奖
“I like to think about how incredibly nice I am.”
我觉得我好的不可思议
依据这些尺标进行研究,结果显示:一些8岁到14岁的孩子的确比其他人自恋。男生比女生稍微自恋一些。 Narcissism is more than believing “I’m great!”; it’s believing “I’m better and more important than you!”
自恋比相信“我很优秀”更严重一些;自恋是相信“我比你更优秀而且比你更重要!”
It does NOT say, “Let your child fail!”
它没有说“让你的孩子失败”
It does NOT say, “Too much praise can turn your kids into narcissistic jerks!”
它没有说“太多的赞美能把你的孩子变成自恋的笨蛋”
It does NOT say, “Coddling parents may make you a narcissist!”
他没有说“溺爱的父母可能会把你变成一个自恋狂”
These recent headlines miss the point of the study.
最近的这些标题没有把握住这个研究的重点
How not to raise a narcissistic child 如何才能避免培养出自恋的孩子
自恋是一种关系障碍症。自恋还很容易让一个自恋者掉面子,这对孩子没有一点帮助,也没有一点好处。
Narcissistic children need to learn to connect rather than impress.
自恋的孩子需要学习交流,而不是表达。
Repeatedly telling them how unique and special they are plays into their tendency to crave and hog the limelight, as well as their anxiety and resentment when they’re not the star.
反复地告诉他们是多么与众不同、多么特别,这样更会让他们渴望大家的关注和占据所有的焦点,一旦他们不是焦点就会焦虑和忿恨。
On the other hand, genuine warmth—telling and showing children “You are special to me” rather than “You are special!”—can help them develop a sense of deep acceptance that underlies genuine self-esteem.
另一方面,真挚的温暖——告诉孩子和向孩子展示“你对我来说是很特别的”要好过“你很特别!”——这样能帮助他们在真正的自尊心之下建立深度接受感。
The greatest compliment a parent can give a child is, “I enjoyed your company!”
一个家长能给孩子最好的表扬就是“我非常享受你的陪伴!”
Narcissistic children need help learning to understand other people’s thoughts and feelings and responding in caring ways.
自恋的孩子需要别人帮助他们理解他人的想法和感觉,并且以关心和在乎的方式作出回应。